What's the point of this charade?

I have written in awhile. It's not because of lack of inspiration. I often think, what's the point. Try as I may, things do not go the way I've planned. I'm only writing today because I need to get this nagging feeling I have inside of me out and in the open.

I went to my boss's funeral the other day and it was sad. Not sad in the way that funeral's are supposed to be. Whenever you lose someone, there's a cloud of sadness that hovers. You may realize that they are going to go to a better place, but selfishly you want them to stay here with us. What happens if you don't know they are going to a better place? What happens if you lose someone that nobody really, truly knew?

To think that I knew my boss as well as his family did after only two years of working with him is truly depressing. To spend fifty plus years of your life on this earth only to pass away without anyone truly knowing who you were. The people that attended were mostly work related. The entire company including old employees, area managers and staff showed up to pay their respects. The rest of the group seemed to be more friend of the family than long lost friends and loved ones. How can work be everything? I try to do well at my job, but I don't stress over it. I don't spend my waking hours trying to figure out how to make things better in my profession. I often feel guilty for obsessing over what I do enjoy. I'll take the time to think about a video game I'm playing or a video I'm working on. When I start a project, I have a tendency to think about that with every spare moment until it's done. Maybe he felt the same way, only work is a project that never ends and always gives you more challenges to encounter along the way.

And what do you say to someone after they've lost someone? My condolences? What does that mean anyway? I'm sorry for something that neither of us had any control over. You want to talk about the good and happy memories. But even after they fade, the stinging is still there. And worse yet, what if it's not? If I don't feel a certain degree of horrible, does that mean I'm not normal or am doing something wrong? Funerals just make me uncomfortable.

I also have no evidence that he was saved. I worked with him for two years and not once shared how I felt about God's grace. Did he know? He worked every Sunday, so he wasn't learning about him there. It fills me with sadness to know that when I go to work, I will be passing the halls of someone who devoted his life to his profession and I don't even have half of that passion. I work because I have to, not because I want to.